i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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