i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
