the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize