This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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