filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
