im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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