he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
