omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
