saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And then he peed in my hair
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