did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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