Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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