I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
