I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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