tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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