what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
