Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
time to smoke my breakfast
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
