he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
