How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
