I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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