So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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