Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
