I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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