i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
