ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
