All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
