the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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