So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
