I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is wine microwaveable?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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