well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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