Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
