I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
