While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
