It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
