i wish my penis had a tongue
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
