as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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