you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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