I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just google imaged poop.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
