So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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