i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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