the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
