his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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