i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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