proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
