just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
