No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
