he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
