I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
