why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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