girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
