dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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