Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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