Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he thought i was a dude.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
