i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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