at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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