It's like God shit irony all over that family
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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