no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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