i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
