I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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