We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
