How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your cock deserves a montage
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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