11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You just made me feel so damn special
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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