Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
