where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
