JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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