I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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