OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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