Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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