textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize