i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
