"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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