either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
