i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
