i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
