I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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