We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
