but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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